Happy New Year

Hey everyone out there in blogger land who reads this blog, I just wanted to say a Massive Happy New Year to you all. I hope that 2009 brings all you wish for it.

I'm spending the New Year with Friends and we plan to party party party.

I have a cold and am hoping that the wonderful medicine of Jack Daniels is going to cure it or kill it tonight for me.

Hope santa was good to you all, he was to me, I got what I asked for a few extra things besides so that was brilliant.

Anyway have to, I'm meant to be doing things to get the party started, but I've snuck onto here for a few mins.

Take care everyone and I'll hopefully see you in the new year.

Roz
xxx

Merry Christmas

Hope you all get what your heart desires.

Sad News

Today I have announced that the Luxurious Angel retreats that where scheduled for 2009 have now been cancelled.

This is due to reasons out with my control, please believe me when I tell you that if I could change things to stop this from happening I would have done.

Seriously I lead a boring life

Honestly I have barely anything to report at all.

I've been taking it quite easy of late, getting ready for Christmas, have spent time with friends relaxing and chatting which is always good.

Last week I was asked to teach a class of P7's (11 years old) at a primary school in Blanefield which is right on the edge of the West Highland way, one of my best buds has a farm located within a forest and I got to stay the night, we stayed up quite late building the kits for the kids and drinking wine and chatting, I love going to the farm, as it is quite literally in the middle of a forest, you have to drive up a dirt track for 2 miles to reach it, and they have no neighbours for at least a 2 mile radius. It is so peaceful at the farm, that is except for the cockerals and chickens first thing in the morning, ha ha.

Anyway, the following day, I got to spend some amazing time with the kids, we all did a Lippy Chick Flip book and the kids loved them, after that we spent quite some time working on designs for a tag swap they are all going to do between themselves before they move onto high school, that way they will have a reminder of there class mates.

Lesley Anne came over one night to make her Christmas cards, she has come up with the most simple but stunning design. I on the other hand did bugger all, kept starting projects only to put them to one side as could not really be bothered. I think she is gonna pop over again next week to finish them off, hopefully by then, I'll have got my mojo back and be raring to create something amazing and unique (fat chance)

Tomorrow night I have my works night out, I'm really looking forward to it, though not sure all of my colleagues are, they usually just go for a meal, but some of the lads said they would prefer one in a hotel so they could have a good night out and stay over, so we are off to a party night with 329 other people, quite a few of us are staying over night and planning a big a party in one of the rooms after the bar shuts.

I have been on the beauty route all week, ha ha, and before you say it, yes I obviously need it, ha ha.

Anyway thats all my news,

Not much to report

Have had a fairly relaxing week, pottering about at home with Ben, and we have had the most self indulgent weekend where we never left the house, so I'm afraid to say I have no news. But then you do get the old saying, no news is good news.

I do have the funniest thing to share with you though, I was emailed this today at work, and could not stop my laughter from bubbling over for all to hear, which considering it was all blokes in my office today, I could not explain the joke to them at all.

This is definitely a woman thing For those of you who wax, you will understand fully and those who don't will never make this mistake.

Better go pee before you read this. This Is by far one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Hair Removal... (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but...WHAT A RIOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of Easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the Wax. Read on........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, Play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel then apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right! ) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the Skin round it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPP P!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!! !

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's No hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself

'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may Pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can Stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax Should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!! !*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! ! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! It works !!'

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE....... ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...

Heaven is a place on earth..........

............ Called Lower Croasdale Farm.

I have just spent the most relaxing and productive weekend that I've ever had.

I was away with a group of friends and we hired the farmhouse for the weekend, set off on Friday morning and met up with the girls in Penrith, where we had a bite of lunch and did some shopping, then it was off to the Farm.

I swear to god, I want to live there, for ever and ever, it is so remote yet so idyllic, it was also massive inside and plenty of room for us to spread out and scrap to our hearts content. I have to admit to becoming a scrapping monster for the whole weekend, I managed to make almost 100 cards, 5.5 layouts (yes I'm counting the half one that is still ongoing) and also a present for a friend which is basically a double layout, I can't tell you more till have completed another one and posted them to the said friend (wink wink)

The girls all left Sunday afternoon, but the farm was rented till Monday so I stayed on another night with another one of the girls, well did not see the point in driving home in the miserable wet weather which was rapidly turning dark, and I had booked the day off work especially so I could take my time. Which meant I got to stay and scrap longer, yahooooooooooooooo.

I've driven home today and unpacked everything, which let me tell you is not like me at all, I usually just dump everything in my craft room, shut the door and ignore it for a week or so. But I really feel like my mojo is back. I've even scrapped tonight, ahhhhhhhhhh shock horror I hear you all cry. Yep, there was a challenge over on UKS using a sketch and I whipped out my stash and played away. I have taken a picture of the layout, but the light is poo pants and I had to crack the ISO right up, so its not that great, I will take a better picture during the day light at some point over the week and share with you all.

Tomorrow its back to work, but at least it will be a short week. I am trying to get my flexi hours right up, so that I can take another day off in a few weeks and get another lovely long weekend.

Anyway, not much else to report, so I'll leave you with a joke. This is a bit rude so if you don't like that sort of thing, I suggest you leave now. Joke is courtesy of Natalie, thanks Nat, you are a star for keeping me in Jokes.

The VOODOO PENIS

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.

He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except ... the Voodoo Penis !'

The husband said 'The what' ? The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo !'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door !'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box !' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife, And after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me .'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right ... Voodoo Penis, my ass . !'

The rest, as they say is... History!!!

I must be mad

But I've only gone and done it, I've announced the 2009 dates for the next Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experiences. I've not even finished unpacking from the last one.

We have the most amazing location in Scotland all set for us, and we will be going back to Crewe again.

Details are all below.

On a personal note, I'm sick, I have the flu and feel horrible, I'm spending lots of time in my bed with a massive box of tissues, and lemsip, I'm sleeping lots, which I think is my bodies way of saying whooooooooooooo, stop and relax. Thank goodness for my laptop with its wireless connection, I would feel quite isolated if I could not at least surf the net.

I wanted to tell you all about my weekend, but kept forgetting to post, so I'll give you a quick run down now.

I was meeting a friend in Carlisle for the day with Ben and we where meant to be taking some photograph's, but could we get parked, not a chance, the place was packed out, as apprently the great northern run was on the same weekend, doh, we really should have checked that out. However all was not lost as I had planned my trip well and on the way back Ben and I where going to Lockerbie Manor for Andy's 40th Birthday, so a quick call and we all went over to watch a falconry display on the front lawn and we had 2 lovely hours wandering around the grounds taking pics. Kate my friend had to leave after this point, but Ben and I where invited to the full thing and stayed on. We had the most amazing fun night, meeting new friends and old and generally have a good old knees up. Ben went to bed just after midnight, but I did not follow till 3am, I spent hours chatting away to friends and to the Birthday Boy and had an amazing time.

I met Andy through Luxurious Angels, we held the retreats in the past at his hotel, and we have remained friends ever since.

I'm sure I will be nipping over that way some time soon, as me and Andy have to catch up on a lot more stuff with each other and he is one of those people I just connect with, we can chat away for hours about nothing. Don't you just love people like that. I know I do.

Here is the birthday boy with one of his stunning daughters playing Funny Bunny

OK, here are the details of the next two retreats for you, I really hope you can make it, as it would be lovely to see you.

Luxurious Angels are proud to present our 2009 scrapbooking experience schedule

13th to 15th March 2009 – Barony Castle, Peebles ****4 Star Hotel

And

2nd to 4th October 2009 - Wychwood Park, Crewe ****4 Star Hotel

The package includes:

Lunch and dinner on Friday

Breakfast, lunch & dinner on Saturday

Breakfast & Lunch on Sunday.

5 Classes (no need to choose as each delegete will experience the same classes together)

Ample cropping space

Make's and takes

Challenges

Games

Goody bag

Use of all the hotel's leisure facilities.

Teachers

5 excellent classes have been planned by some of your favourite teachers as we type!

They are:

Roz Carter

Suzanne Torr

Kirsty Wiseman
We will some guest teachers hopefully dropping by as well to share some makes and takes with you.

Shop till you drop

Sarah’s Cards Ltd will be on site and will be able to fulfil all your demands for all those scrapping essentials including all the latest deliveries from CHA

If you are interested in joining us for either of these fabulous experiences, please contact us directly at info@luxuriousangels.co.uk. And state which event you would like a booking form for.

Joke of the day is a quick one, as this is quite a long post.

“What is your occupation?” asked the judge.“I’m a locksmith, your honor.”“And what were you doing in the jeweler’s shop at three in the morning when the police officers entered?’“ I was making a bolt for the door!”

And breathe

Finally a week after the retreat I feel like I'm almost back to been human again.

The retreat was amazing, hard hard work, but so worth it, we had the most amazing classes, and yes I know I promised I would take pics of mine but honestly I've not had a minute to spare and the lighting is poo pants at the moment, however Kirsty did manage to take pics of her take on the class and if you pop over to her blog (link on the right hand side) you can see it there.

We got to the hotel on Thursday night and started the long task of unpacking, I have no idea how many car loads we had, but I'm telling you, it took us a hell of a long time to do it all. We put everything into a storage room till later in the evening, and then me and Janet moved it once our room became available (it was booked for a dinner function) We lugged the lot of it to the classroom and I got up far far to early in the morning to move it to the actual shop area.

The girls started to arrive from midday and where very patient with us, as we where still running around like headless chickens. But the idea of opening the day at midday was to allow the girls to settle into there cropping area and relax and meet new friends, the activities did not kick off till after dinner.

The first class was meant to be taught by Suzanne, but the poor darling was not feeling great so a quick swap round of the schedule and into the breach stepped Kirsty who taught the most adorable class using Artic Frog papers and then a cute mini project using the scraps, Kirsty also taught her make and take of the weekend and that was us for the night. Well we wanted to break the girls in gently. We spent the rest of the evening with challenges (mini bags) and chatting, drinking, etc, only thing that did not seem to be happening was lots of scrapping, hee hee.

Saturday we had three master classes, three mini classes and one make and take project, and one challenge to do, so absolutely no time to come up for air. The girls loved the classes and the day delegates got right into the swing of it as well.

Sunday was Suzanne's day, she had a class first thing in the morning and a make and take to do.

The only down side to the whole weekend was that I had asked Cal to come along as a surprise guest to show the girls some Techniques with inks, etc, but we ran out of time, I seriously need the days to be at least 30 hours long when we do these weekends.

We crammed in tons and tons of stuff, the girls went home with bags bursting at the seams from all the class kits and goodies on offer, and a few pounds lighter in the purse thanks the amazing shop that Sarah from Sarah's cards brought along. I swear to god I have never seen so much stash in one place, I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I saw her collection of Thickers, that girl carries the whole range, the only person in the UK to do so.

It was my first retreat since Angela left the business at the end of March this year, and I have to admit to having some butterflies before the actual weekend, but you know what, I did it, it was a massive success and I'm gonna keep doing it.

In fact, I've already booked the hotels for March in Scotland next year and October in Crewe, so watch this space, I'll be announcing dates next week, once I've had time to catch up on everything else.

Joke of the day for you all now, I got this one today from Jane, one of my friends, and it had me tittering away at my desk.

Enjoy

A man was sitting in the bar in departures at Manchester airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
So he decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f*** do you want?''
Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face........
' Ryanair' .

I'm off...........

............ in a motor car. Yahoo, I managed to fit everything that I think I'm suppose to be taking to the Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience. I even remembered to pack clothes for myself.

Now all I have to do is pack my toilet stuff in the morning and then I'm off to Crewe.

Sarah, Lianne and I are going to be setting it all up on the Thursday and then from midday on the Friday all the girls arrive, and I can't wait. I'm so excited.

Finished up early at work today, as had an appointment at the physio's. I injured my hand quite a few weeks ago, and I can no longer move it, which in itself poses a problem for when I teach my classes, but fingers crossed I manage it ok.

Now I just need to get tea sorted and get an early nights sleep as I'm sure I won't be getting much sleep once the weekend starts.

After the retreat is over, I'll post pics of my classes for you, they are so cool this year and not at all what the girls are expecting, I love the colours in my class kits and I know the girls will go wild when they see the projects.

I'll leave you with a joke of the day.

This is another one from Natalie, I swear to god that girl keeps me in fits of laughter most of the day with her silly jokes. Thanks Natalie, your a star.

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.

Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,' Grandma said, and she proceeded to the end of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma he was bewildered and exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry.'

The policeman fainted.

Where does the time go...........

Honestly I can't believe that in 5 days I will be in Crewe at the 4th Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience. I feel as if my feet have not touched the ground in months. I'm almost ready, only have one task left to do, then I have free time to organise my own personal stuff to take, although I'm not sure its worth taking any thing as at as the whole weekend is jammed packed with classes, mini classes, makes~n~takes and challenges, I'm sure I won't have a spare minute left to work on anything of my own.

The classes are amazing, the kits are huge and the teachers are wonderful, I am so lucky to be able to call all of the teachers my friends as well, We even have two guest teachers dropping in on the Saturday as a surprise for the delegates, shhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell them though, hee hee.

I must admit though that in the time spent on planning, organising, packing kits, etc, my house has suffered rather badly, so I'm sure that the house will be pleased once this is over, and I can get back to sorting it out and catching up with my housework.

I have to run now and wrap up presents for prizes but I'll leave you with this fun newspaper clipping I was recently sent by one of my online buddies and also a delegate at the LA Scrapbooking Experience, Natalie, it had me spitting coffee at my screen as I read it, hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Take care of yourselves. mwahahahahaha

For Cal

I know I'm a bad blogger, and I do have loads to tell you, but I'm quite short of time at the moment, busy organising the Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience.

But by special request from Cal, I have a joke of the day for you all.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the #@* would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY: Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny #@*to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
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FRIDAY: I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the #@* barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY: Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little #@*) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds...

Hope you enjoyed that Cal, take care of yourself. xxxx

I am a walking feast

for Midges that is, the little buggers have had a field day with me, they have taken nibbles out of my face, neck, arms, hands and legs, I even have one on my bum.... no idea how that little so and so got in their. I have just returned from the most amazing holiday I have ever had in Scotland.

Me and Ben along with his godmother Janet and Uncle Dave have all been to Wester Ross, for a week of glorious sunshine. I kid you not, the sun shone ever day, except for Friday, when it rained in the morning. We have spent hours on beaches that look like they belong in the indian ocean, we have a little tan to show off, and we are so chilled out.

I got to see my good friend Anne and her adorable hubby Iain, we ate like pigs and slept like logs.

However, I now have to wash a mountain of dirty clothes, unpack quite a lot of stuff and get Ben all organised for his return to School tomorrow.

Yahoo, the school holidays are over, well at least for a short while, before you know it half term will be upon us.

I'm knackered so its only a short post tonight, and I'm sorry, no jokes, however I have come back to an inbox bursting at the seams with jokes galore from my pals, so I shall be back with some funnies soon.

If anybody out their knows of a cure to stop the itching, please let me know, so far we have exhausted boots the chemist of all their bite cures, used tea tree oil and salvon, and still no relief is to be found, I'm off to mix up some bicarbonate of soda now and calamine lotion.

Take care of yourselves.

xxx mwahahahahahahahaha xxxx

Ladies Night

Last Saturday I went to the races, Hamilton Park Racecourse had a Ladies Night and Lesley Anne and I went along. We got all dolled up and even went as far as to wear a hat, well Lesley Anne wore a hat, I wore a flamengo, hee hee. Now I'm not a gambler, I can't understand the need to throw my money away after a nag, but I did join in the spirit and bet on every nag I could find, unfortunately no bookmaker would take any money off me for Lesley Anne, ha ha. Only joking LA if you reading this.

We had a great time, and I never got home till the very early hours, sporting two massive blisters and a gash on the top of my foot that I have no idea how I got.

We left the races after Hue and Cry had played. Yes you read that right, Hue and Cry 'looking for Linda' poor blokes still have not found her. We met some guys that I know and had a giggle with them, and even had a dance. Oh get us, what are we like. However after one of them had guessed my age at been 40, I made a hasty exit. We ended up at a private party with a few footy players. Don't ask me how, neither I or LA can explain that one.

After a while we got bored, they are not all they cracked up to be, and we jumped into a taxi. LA went home, me I went to the local nightclub, though I never made it in, its one of those that has a large courtyard area out the front where all the smokers stand and chat away, I never made it beyond that point, actually more to do with the fact that I don't think I could have danced with the stupid shoes I had on.

In the end I jumped into a taxi for the safey of home, phew what a relief to get those shoes off.

Here is a pic of Lesley Anne in her hat, wicked witch got more compliments than me, however I do have to say, she looked stunning.

Sorry about the quality of the pic, but it was taken on my phone. I do have a pic of me, but LA took it and its on my phone and I can't figure out how to get it onto my pc, I'm ok with pics I've taken, but pics anybody send me, seems my phone likes to eat them, bloody thing.

Anyway we had a great day and night, and I'm sure we will be doing it again soon, Officer and a Gentleman night is coming up soon, Yahoo.

Joke of the day time, enjoy.

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

Take care of yourselves. mwahahahahahahahaha

Today was a big day.

Two things where meant to happen, unfortunately only one did, the other one went completely the wrong way. Don't you just hate it when that happens. kinda takes the shine of the other one that did go the right way.

I hope your all enjoying this lovely rain.............. What the hell is that all about, its bloody summer for christs sake, where is the sun. Whoever is holding it ransom, please let us know the cost to release it, I'll gladly chip in.

Me and Ben are slowly coming back down to earth after our recent visit from Suzanne and the tribe. We love having them come to stay with us, just a shame that the weather was poo pants. Unfortunately Suzanne took not well whilst she was here, and that kinda was not fun for anybody, but lest of all Suzanne, who become quite familiar with my toilet bowl. Poor darling, fingers crossed though, after some loving and hugs, and my terrible sense of humour she seems to be on the mend again.

As soon as Suzanne and the tribe left, my godchildren arrived for an overnight visit, I adore my godchildren to pieces, and usually take hundreds of pics of them, but this time, I took not one, instead we just messed about together, relaxed, told jokes and had a good old giggle. I do love been the chilled out Aunt for them. They run wild when they are here, and they are allowed to. That's why the love it so much. Their parents probably hate me for it, but hey, I'm not releasing the title of cool aunt for anybody. I worked bloody hard for it, and I'm keeping it. hee hee.

Anyway, thats it, I'll leave you with a joke of the day from my adorable god-daughter, Natascha.

Enjoy. mwahahahhahahahaha

A true Australian Ghost story...

Joke of the Day...............


Believe it or not - you judge.....


This story happened a while ago in Sydney, and even though it sounds
Like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road
Hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he
Could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly
Coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without
Thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise
There was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve
Approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then,
Just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and
Turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand
Repeatedly came through the window but never harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub down the road so,
Gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of
Breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the
Horrible experience he had just experienced.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying and
?... Wasn't drunk.
Suddenly two other people walked into the same pub. They, like John,
Were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford
Sobbing at the bar, one said to the other,
'Look, Bruce?? There's that F******** idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.'


Hee hee, thanks Natalie, I loved it.

Take Care of yourselves.

Tis must be Oscar Season ??????

Honestly I think it must be, as I've received two of the most amazing awards you could hope to come across.

First one is from Cal and is The Wylde Women award. The Wylde Women award was devised by Tammy Vitale, she created it specially for Women. It can be passed on to one person or a hundred. To receive the award all you have to do is be Generous (for instance with your ideas or time) towards other crafters.
Please go and visit Tammy's blogs, she creates the most amazing pieces of artwork, that are unique, inspiring and inspirational. And she does links to the most amazing blogs.

Now I get to pick somebody to pass this onto, so I am going to pass this onto somebody who's work I admire so much, I adore this person and am so glad to have her as one of my friends. I present the Wylde Women Award to Kate. Kate qualifies for this award as she is an amazing Photographer, not your scrapbooking kinda of photography, more documentary style, I am honoured to say, I even own some of her artwork, and its my most treasured item in the house, if I have a fire, you can bet I'll be grabbing those pics of the wall before I grab my scrapbooks. She is so generous with her time and knowledge, and if you get a chance to tail her around a city, please do so, she will make you see things you would never have noticed without her to guide your eyes.

Second award has come from Maggie.

It's a special award given to weblogs that somehow catch your eye!

The rules for this award are as follows:

1. The winner can put the logo on her blog.
2. Link the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of the girls you've nominated

I am going to nominate the following people whose blogs I love: Cal, Suzanne, Kirsty and Sarah.

How lucky am I, I have the most amazing friends and am honoured to know the most talented people on the planet. Girls I wubs you all.

Take care of yourselves, and I'll be back soon with a proper update and jokes.

mwahahaahahah

Great Day out

Last Saturday saw me and Clare rise from our pit slightly later than expected, (see the video below for a full explaination)

Once dressed and ready, we set off for a cardiac arrest breakfast/brunch at the local cottage cafe.

I know I should not confess to this, but this is my idea of heaven on a plate. I don't have it often, but when I do, ummmmmmhhhhhhhh yum yum.

Once suitable re-fuelled and hangover dulling down, we set off for a day out at the Safari Park. Clare had celebrated her birthday the weekend before, and this was our first opportunity to mark the occassion.

We pulled up at the gates of Blair Drummond and asked for 2 big kid tickets please, yes, you can see where this is going.

Once inside the park, we thought we would get the fun stuff over with first, so monkey island here we come.

Along the way, we spotted a few animals, nothing of interest though, till we came across this rare breed.

Cute Boy......................

Clare insisted I take a pic as she rather fancied him.

Then is was off to Lemur Land, where I must point out, we did not spot one bloody lemur.

Pedal boats came next, after a long winded promise to not rock the boat, blah blah was made by me. hee hee, like I would ever do that to anybody.

OMG, where did that double chin come from, I'm gonna blame that on the camera angle, etc, etc. I would like to draw your attention at this point to our lovely fresh complexions, and the massive circle of spots of my nose, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, chocolate face masks are pointless.

The day continued along the same silly theme, we took in the sealion show, and then had a go on this............

Which resulted in lots of this.

Anybody got a Tena lady handy?????

Clare ended the day at the park by taking a snap of some eye candy I had spotted, if only I had a longer lense on my camera we might have actually been able to see him. Its the one in the baseball cap, he was very very very cute, picture does not do him any justice... Shame really.

When we got home, we cracked open some wine (well we needed to top up from the night before) and we settled down to watch 'A wonderful life', Yes I hear you all screaming, its a Christmas movie, but somebody at work had told Clare all about it, and she insisted on watching it. Actually its one of those movies that is ok anytime of the year.

Well after a weekend like that, you can understand why I'm only just blogging about it now, its taken all week to recover. I now have a misplaced hernia from laughing so hard and a standing order with Tena lady.

I'll come back at some point and fill you in on the rest of whats happening.

Till then I'll leave you with my Joke of the day:

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs The warmth of my body will warm them up."He did, and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." . . . . . . . . . . . .

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies,

"They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?

ummmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhh

Did we really do that video, OMG, what where we like.

Well the next day, we both woke up as fresh as daisy's (not) at midday, not a great start, hee hee.

Although the night before we had washed off the masks, Clare said my face was very very brown, and had I read the instructions correctly. Once my eyes where able to focus, Clare's face was also rather brown.............. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................ panic........................ run to bathroom for deeper examination...............

Yep, we are def. browner.

After much scrubbing, phew, back to normal, well if you can call very red skin normal, our browness has left us and is now living on my hand towels.

Note to self, do not do face mask when drunk, especially not a chocolate one.

So, I hear you all ask, do we look years younger. Well our skin did feel much softer, however I have a pimple the size of a small island on the end of my nose, so I'm not that impressed.

I'm glad you all enjoyed our little video, Cal, I will kill you though, next time I see you for sending people over to look, it was only suppose to be my friends that come and visit, I've had over 100 visitors in two days, that never happens here.

Anyway, far to tired out to do a joke today, but I'll do one tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves.

Mwahahahahahaha

Two Girls + Lots of Booze =

This.












Here is the joke of the day love from us. Mwahahahahahahahahah



Take care of yourselves. See you tomorrow when we are sober and regretful.xxxx

Would you Adam and Eve it.............

A Fairy Tale

This fairy tale should have been read to us girls when we were little:

Once upon a time in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: ' Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.

One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry

and set up house In your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children, Walk my dog And attend to my every need
forever you will feel grateful and happy doing so. '

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she sipped her chilled
crisp wine

Chuckled
and thought to herself: I don't f**in' think so.

Thanks Nat, you owe me a new screen, this one is covered in coffee, again.

Take care of yourselves, Mwahahahhahahahahahahaha

Wanna Go to to LA.

Well why not come with me then, I'm off in October, quick detour via Crewe first though, umhhhhhhhhhhhh actually think we might just stop their, I know this amazing hotel, its ****4 Stars, can you believe that, has the most amazing spa area, (I'll be the one lay on the massage table), a PGA golf course if you fancy that sort of thing, me personally, nope, can't hit a golf ball to save my life, am likely to cause serious injury to anybody stood within a 20 foot radius, as my club will surely leave my hand and hit you on the head.

But better than all that, it has an amazing room, that is set out just for scrappers, so we can scrap all weekend.

So go on, you know you wanna come along and join in the fun, email me if you wanna come or visit the website for all the info on it. www.luxuriousangels.co.uk

Joke of the day, comes from a friend at work.

A young monk arrives at the monastery.

He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from

copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this,

pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the

first copy, it would never be picked up!

In fact, that error would be continued in all of the

subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies

for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery

where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked

vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

'We missed the R !

We missed the R !

We missed the R !'

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...





'CELEBRATE !!!'

Train Ticket

A great joke from one of my bestest pals, Liza T. I luvs you babes... mwah....xxx

TRAIN TICKET

Three women and three men are travelling by train to the rugby match.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.

'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.

They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please. The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.


When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed man.

'Watch and learn,' answer the women.

When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.

The woman knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket, please.'

Such a Happy Ending.....

This is another one from Natalie, thanks Nat, this is great.

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I' m going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could

Think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the

Bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know...there's swearing, dirty

words and all that...""You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your fucking beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherfucking snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren't going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?"

........and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

Why Women need catalogues

I got this in an email from one of the girls that is coming to the Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience, and I honestly have not laughed so hard in .... Well probably hours, cause I do laugh alot.
Thanks Natalie, you made me almost pee my pants.

Man of the house

This joke had me wiping coffee off my screen, sent from my friend Jane. Thanks Jane, any idea how I get coffee out of my nostrils.

MAN OF THE HOUSE


The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE
THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and
announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this

house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,

and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous

dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will

have the kind of sex that I want.


Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will

wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will

massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me

and comb my hair?



'The wife replied, 'The fuckin' funeral director would be my first guess.

What Fruit are you?

I got this off Cal's blog, let me know what fruit you are.

You Are an Orange

You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic. You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky. You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well. You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life. Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you. Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

For Elin

A man who was born with no arms wished to seek employment. Fearing nobody would want to hire him with his obvious disability, he thought he'd answer a help wanted sign he saw posted at his church. He rang the bell at the rectory and when the pastor opened the door he was moved with pity. He asked, "What can I do for you, my son?" The man said I've come to answer your help wanted ad. The pastor became concerned and said that ad is for a bell ringer. He stammered that he didn't think he'd be able to handle the job. The man pleaded and said won't you give me a chance so I can show you what I'm capable of? The pastor relented and hired him. The time came when the church bell had to be rung. The man made his way under the bell, took a running start and threw his body against the bell which resulted in a booming "BONNGGGG" as soon as the vibrations subsided, he took another running start and threw his body into the other side of the bell with the expected result of "BONNNGG" . . . and so it went. Now our armless friend was at the job for several months to the delight of the pastor. One day the guy was running late and in his haste he ran up to the belfry and got his running leap at the bell without first getting under the bell. As he ran right off the side of the tower he screamed. Everyone from within the church filed out and just stared. Finally somebody said "poor fellow, does anybody knows who he is?" To which came the answer from someone in the back . . . "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

And that is not the only one.......

We have additional retreats planned for Scotland, more news to follow on that very very very soon.

This is such an exciting time for me, The hotel in Crewe is amazing and the plans to expand where always on the table, and where been discussed as far back as November last year. And I've had a great time travelling around looking at locations, some not so hot, some amazing.

So now you know why I've not been blogging, I've been far to busy searching for the perfect spots to hold the new Luxurious Angels Scrapping Experiences.

Now I'm back home and all ready for the summer, so can somebody tell the sun to come out.

I'll start back with the joke of the day again soon, just give me a short while to get back into the swing of this.

Take care of yourselves

Do you want to join me for an amazing Scrapbooking Experience......

Luxurious Angels, in association with Sarah's Cards Ltd are proud to present a scrapbooking experience.....

10th to 12th October 2008 - Wychwood Park, Crewe ****4 Star DeVere Hotel

The cost for the entire weekend will be £260.00 per person per weekend (based on two sharing a twin or double room, single supplement of £25.00 per person per night is applied if you wish to have a single room).

A payment plan is available if you wish to manage the fee which can be broken down as £100 deposit now, an additional £100 by end of July and balance payable by end of August.

The package includes:Lunch and dinner on Friday Breakfast, lunch & dinner on Saturday
Breakfast & Lunch on Sunday.

5 Classes (no need to choose as each delegete will experience the same classes together)
Ample cropping space
Make's and takes
Challenges
Games
Goody bag
Use of all the hotel's leisure facilities (including spa).

Delegates can bring along their husbands/partners who are golf fanatics if they wish too, at a reduced rate of £199.00. This would include dinner on the Friday, breakfast and dinner on the Saturday and Breakfast on the Sunday. Lunch can be arranged in the Claret Jug (19th Hole!) at an additional fee if they wish. Your partners will qualify for a discounted rate of £25.00 per tee off, assuming they book quickly. Remember to tell them that it’s a PGA course - apparently that means something to golfers!

Teachers
5 excellent classes have been planned by some of your favourite teachers as we type!
They are:
Roz Carter
Suzanne Torr
Kirsty Wiseman

Shop til you drop

Sarahs Cards Ltd will be on site and demand for all those scrapping essentials including all their latest deliveries from CHA Summer 2008.

If you are interested in joining us for this fabulous experience, please contact Sarah or Roz at info@sarahscardsltd.com or info@luxuriousangels.co.uk

Rest

I'm taking a rest from Blogging and from the scrapping world for a short period of time.

A well deserved break I would say, I'll be back soon though and hopefully with news of the next Luxurious Angels retreat.

Take care of yourselves girls and I'll see you all soon.

Design Projects

As promised here are the things I made with the Design Kit Angela from Angel Crafts sent me.

I managed two layouts and a card, still have some scraps left, but put them to one side for the moment.

In my kit I received a sheet of Scenic Route White lined paper, a sheet of Making Memories - 5th Avenue - Sophia Flocked Leaves, a sheet of Making memories - 5th Avenue - Sophia Floral and a sheet of Making Memories - 5th Avenue - Sophia Geo Floral. I added a few things of my own, bazzill, blossoms, chipboard, alphas and some brads and I managed to make these.

This layout is using one of the many photos Kirsty Wiseman took of me in my house last year. Although my eyes are shut in this picture, it kinda sums up how I'm feeling at the moment, and how important my home is to me and how it keeps me centered, calm and sane all at the same time.

Some close up details of the heart with a scalloped bazzill border, hand cut and the cluster of embellishments. I especially love the badge, which came from paperchase and the large chipboard key came from Suzanne's stash, psssttt don't tell her.

A quick and easy card made with the left over paper and some of the many blossoms I seem to have breeding in my house.


A page made using the off cut of the bazzill heart that overhung on the first page and some of the lovely flocked leaves cut out. I love how the title came out, I stamped over the letters with a hero art leaves stamp and some acrylic paint. Really make it pop from the page now and ties in with the handcut leaves. I'll add my journalling later to this, once I can decide what to say.

Today has been great fun, but we did not seem to achieve a lot, we nipped over to Livingston as I needed to visit the papermill to pick up some cardstock for a class I'm teaching soon. We took a quick wander around so that the girls could see the water feature that is located their, it is amazing, and I have taken some pictures of it, but not had a chance to upload them yet. I will try before the week is out. Then it was home. I have felt like I'm fighting a cold off for a few weeks now, and in the car on the way home, I could not stop sneezing, so once home, Suzanne took charge so I could lie down for an hour in the vain home that it would pass. Well it seems to have done the trick so far, fingers crossed.

Now I must rush as me and Suzanne have some scrapping planned now the kids are in bed.

Joke of the day:

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies;

"I did, they were in your tackle box."

Hangover - What bloody hangover...................

I tried so hard to get myself drunk, but you know sometimes it just seems impossible, probably did not help that I kept neglecting my drink in favour of yet more bloody cleaning.

Woke up Saturday morning, bright and early, after a very restless nights sleep, and am now sporting a lovely set of matching bags under my eyes.

Suzanne and the kids arrived up on Saturday at about 5pm, and I had tea all ready for us. We spent a great night watching Britians got talent, how bloody amazing was that Dog - Bob, I've never seen a dog walk backwards before on its hind legs.

Today, Ben was bag packing in Asda for Army Cadets, so it was up early again, and whilst I was their I did our food shop for the week, then back home, got everything ready for tea, made a picnic up and then off we went to Calderglen Country Park. I've never been their before, but it was brilliant, although a little muddy, and my suggestion of a short cut across a field did not go down to well. Whoops.

Then back home in time for Ben and tea.

We have spent a lovely evening scrapping together, I've managed two layouts and a card for Angela's Design Team over at Angel Crafts, but I'll photograph them in the morning cause the light is poo pants just now, so I'll share them with you tomorrow.

Anyway, best go, I have been asked to teach a class to the ladies at my local card group and I have a stack of papers crying out to be turned into something scrummy.

Take care.

Joke of the day comes from Clare in Australlia, Babes I miss you.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. Done That
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." Done That
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences! With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 .. Don't use any punctuation Do that all the time
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." Done that, really confuses them, hee hee
12. Sing Along At The Opera .
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" Done that
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." Wish I could do that
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......Send This E-mail To Someone ToMake Them Smile.Its Called ..... Therapy

Bollocks to that, I'll just post it here instead.

So how many have you done, or wish you could do.

TGIF

Home from work, off for a full week, house is clean and ready for guests to arrive, just need to do food shop.

So at last I can have my nervous Breakdown. I intent to get very very drunk tonight, listen to crap tv and music and have a bloody good sob.

Then once I recover from my hangover, which I best have, as won't feel fully sorry for myself till I do have one. I will attempt to put my life into order.

Honestly, why does life decide to treat you crap. I honestly thought everything was going ok, ok, i'm not loaded, I don't live the healthiest lifestyle, but I was happy. And all of a sudden, the rug gets pulled out from under you and you find yourself flat on your back looking up at rain clouds.

So, if I don't blog for a few days, its cause my head is throbbing, heres hoping.

Joke of the day is from a colleague at work:
There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters. The Englishman says " I was cleaning mydaughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as Ididn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know She had a willy."

Cleaning binge

I've taken a mad spell of cleaning, my house is almost like a new pin. Out with the old and in with the new as they say.

I'm having difficulty sleeping and have quite a lot on my mind at the moment, and cleaning helps me to block all the thoughts and problems that I currently have.

Ben can't believe it, every room he goes into is like a palace, and all he can hear is me saying right behind him, don't you dare mess it up, hee hee, typical mum I know.

Only one more day at work, and then I'm off for a week and I'll be able to collapse in a heap and let all these problems pile on and hopefully I'll be able to deal with each one appropriately.

On a happier note, Suzanne and the kids are coming to stay for a week with us, I have a few things planned for us to do, days out, days in and lots of fun and games, hopefully they will be the distraction I need at the moment.

Joke of the day is from a colleague at work, hope you enjoy it.

Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams onthe brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.

He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." And drives off.

Work Experience

Ben came to work with me today, He is currently off school for the next two weeks on holiday. The plan was that he would be home Monday, work with me Tuesday and then home for the rest of the week, and then from Friday 5.30pm, I on holiday for a week, YAHOOO. But like all best laid plans, they have gone to pot.

Whilst out at lunch today, he told me how much he was enjoying himself and asked if he could come in all week, I was so chuffed, like killing two birds with one stone. He is with me and he is safe, I don't have to worry about him been at home on his own (we where let down by the person who originally planned to watch him), he is getting experience of working life, and I'm getting my filing done, what could be better. He has been helping me out with some files that where stored off site, and that quite frankly where in a right bloody mess, so between us, we are organising them into some sort of order.

Tonight after tea, which we made together, we where washing and drying the pots and I said to him, I really enjoyed working with him, I never expected a answer back, but he came straight back that he enjoyed it as well, not only working at work, but working at home together.

Honestly that boy blows me away at times, sometimes I want to scream at him, for his lazyness, yet other times he can be so thoughtful and caring. Suppose its just teenage life.

Anyway, here is my little bobby dazzler, don't he just melt your heart.

Joke of the day:

Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

Moderation

Everything in Moderation, is a good thing. I've signed up for the UKS Cyber Crop, I've signed up before in the past, but never actually taken part, but this time, I've been encouraged by a few friends to actually join in properly.

I suppose the thing that has scared me off in the past is the pace of the event, it seems so fast and people do seem to get a bit manic about it all. However, I think I have it just right. I've been watching what has been going on from a distance, I've jumped in and out when I can, but I've not let it dominate my life. And I have to say, I'm enjoying myself. I know, what am I like.

I know there are a few people out their who hate Cyber Crops with a passion and they will think I've lost the plot for joining in, but as far as I'm concerned if it gets me into my scraproom I'm happy.

I've done a few of the challenges, and I've enjoyed what I've done so far. I made a planner, out of an old discarded index box, and I love how it turned out. I used Heidi Grace papers that I received but would never normally use, I still have plenty of the dividers left, so once the Cyber crop is over, it may get converted into something else, and out of the scraps I made a do not disturb sign for my scraproom door. Something that I'll probably keep.

I have even been adopted in the Cyber crop by Cal, she is leading the Comedy Kings, and its a wonderful idea to allocate each newbie with somebody who can hold your hand and offfer advise. I'm not going to encourage you to sign up, thats upto you, but I for one am enjoying myself, and thats what life is all about. I'm going to be spending the actual weekend of the classes with a friend and we will do the classes together, help each out and have a good old girly time in the process.

Joke of the day is in support of all things cyber, and one for the boys as well.

Subject: Computer Hard and Software:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,A Troubled User.

(KEEP READING)______________________________________

REPLY:Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.

This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support