Ladies Night

Last Saturday I went to the races, Hamilton Park Racecourse had a Ladies Night and Lesley Anne and I went along. We got all dolled up and even went as far as to wear a hat, well Lesley Anne wore a hat, I wore a flamengo, hee hee. Now I'm not a gambler, I can't understand the need to throw my money away after a nag, but I did join in the spirit and bet on every nag I could find, unfortunately no bookmaker would take any money off me for Lesley Anne, ha ha. Only joking LA if you reading this.

We had a great time, and I never got home till the very early hours, sporting two massive blisters and a gash on the top of my foot that I have no idea how I got.

We left the races after Hue and Cry had played. Yes you read that right, Hue and Cry 'looking for Linda' poor blokes still have not found her. We met some guys that I know and had a giggle with them, and even had a dance. Oh get us, what are we like. However after one of them had guessed my age at been 40, I made a hasty exit. We ended up at a private party with a few footy players. Don't ask me how, neither I or LA can explain that one.

After a while we got bored, they are not all they cracked up to be, and we jumped into a taxi. LA went home, me I went to the local nightclub, though I never made it in, its one of those that has a large courtyard area out the front where all the smokers stand and chat away, I never made it beyond that point, actually more to do with the fact that I don't think I could have danced with the stupid shoes I had on.

In the end I jumped into a taxi for the safey of home, phew what a relief to get those shoes off.

Here is a pic of Lesley Anne in her hat, wicked witch got more compliments than me, however I do have to say, she looked stunning.

Sorry about the quality of the pic, but it was taken on my phone. I do have a pic of me, but LA took it and its on my phone and I can't figure out how to get it onto my pc, I'm ok with pics I've taken, but pics anybody send me, seems my phone likes to eat them, bloody thing.

Anyway we had a great day and night, and I'm sure we will be doing it again soon, Officer and a Gentleman night is coming up soon, Yahoo.

Joke of the day time, enjoy.

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

Take care of yourselves. mwahahahahahahahaha