Where has the time gone???????

I can't believe we are already in the 20s of November, I have been so bad as not blogged since the beginning of the month.

I have so much to share with you all, but as it is I'm really short of time just now, but I promise I will update at some point over the weekend and I'll even try to upload some pics as well.

No joke, as just wanted to let you all know I'm still about. Joke at the weekend.

Take care of yourself.xxx

Joke of the Day

I feel so honoured, one of my friends has told her mum about my blog and my joke of the day, and her mum is now coming to visit me on a regular basis for a giggle at my jokes, so in her honour, as she is a special mummy this blog entry is just for you darling. xxxx

What Do Retired People Do All Day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day Marilyn and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Marilyn called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Take care of yourself and hugs to everyone.xxx

Digi Widgets

Can you believe it, I am doing Digi and its all down to the bloody brilliant Kirsty Wiseman and her digi workshop.

I have tried digi before, and believe me, its not been a pretty sight, I had no idea what programmes to use and actually did my first layout in powerpoint, ahhhhhhh I hear you all cry. I did eventually work my way upto using elements, but it was all goobly gook to me.

Well not anymore, we are now into our second week of the digi course, and I can't believe how much I've learnt already.

Now I know that some of the girls who are doing the course, said that week one was easy, and even Kirsty said it was a very basic start to make sure everyone was singing from the same hymm sheet, but let me say right now, thank god she did that, if she had not started at such a basic level I would have never have tried it.

Anyway, here you go, there are three layouts in total, first one is what we did in the first week, second one is the same layout with some changes that we learnt in the second week and the third layout is a challenge that kirsty set us to see how much we had all learnt, and I have to say, I'm quite proud of myself, I adore the 3rd layout, and will be recreating this in a paper format

Layout at the end of week one, We are all using the same papers etc to help make it easier.

Layout at the end of week 2, notice the photo mat has now changed to a star, the title is altered and we have shadow on the photo mat, etc to help add depth and dimension.

challenge Layout, using the skills we have learnt so far. I have quite a stock of digi downloads that I have been collecting in anticipation of this digi course, and I had this brilliant photo of Angela and me that Suzanne took for us last week whilst she was up. I absolutely adore this picture, in fact, its been edited using the actions that kirsty sells as well.

Anyway, thats it for me for tonight.

Joke of the day: Having shot a moose two Antartians began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.On the way they were stopped by a game warden. "Let me see your hunting licenses boys," he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice."Sure!" the hunters agreed."Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail.""Aye, O.K. and thanks," said the lads.After about five minutes one said to the other, "Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?" "Aye, you're right," said his friend, "but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?"

Yeukkkkkkk ............... Yahoooooooooooooo

Yeukkkkkkkkkkkkk I've had a bad virus, won't go into details, but toilet was glued to me, need say no more.

Yahoooooooooooooooo, my house is finally finished, well the inside is, and I love it, love it, love it, love it, do you understand, I love it.

Carpet fitters came last week and fitted carpets, then had to take hall one back up and come back again on Monday, I've told you before, nothing in this house is ever easy, this delayed the decorator finishing off his bits, but never mind, I was quite pleased as he ended up blocking out all of Monday and Tuesday for me, and he only really needed half a day on both days, so I got him to do all the snagging little jobs that have been driving me up the wall.

Ben is off school for half term, so he has been helping me out, with moving boxes from the garage, where everything was stored, cleaning it all, and then finding new homes for it, and its all done. All I have left to do is finish making the curtains for the front lounge and adjusting the length of the curtain in the front hall as its changed position since last hung, and I need to hang some pictures, but these things should not take me an age, in fact, I quite fancy running around with a hammer tonight, so the pictures might be up soon.

And to top it all off, I even get to show it off this weekend, we are having some friends arriving tomorrow and they are staying till Tuesday, a surprise visit, which has had us running around like headless chickens but brilliant news, as I love this friend so much and her kids are so funny.

Anyway, thats all my news. Oh no its not, I almost forget, Yes I'm not going to the real LA, its Luxurious Angels, we are hosting another retreat in March 2008 at the same venue, Lockerbie Manor, so if you fancy a weekend of scrapping to your hearts content, classes with brilliant amazing teachers and lots of fun and frivolity, then send me an email and I'll get straight back to you with all the details. We still need to update the website, but give us a chance we only decided last week to do this again, after much arm twisting from everyone. One thing I will say is we are limiting numbers this year, so if you do want to come, hurry as we are taking bookings already.

Anyway, Joke of the Day:
Every Saturday morning Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren...all boys. The kids always wanted to play ''war,'' and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game.His daughter came to pick up the kids early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa take a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, "Bang!''Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there motionless. The daughter rushed over to see if he was all right. Grandpa opened one eye and whispered, ''Sh-h-h, I always do this. It's the only chance I get to rest.''

I'm Going to LA

Yes honestly I am and you can come with me if you want, come on, hands up, who wants to come to LA with me.

I'm off in March 2008 for a lovely relaxing weekend and I'm gonna have a ball.

Want to know more, hee hee, well you will just have to wait, heee heee.

I've finally managed to finish the last BOM challenge that we where doing over on UKS, the challenge this month is to do a layout that documents a bad day you have had. All the ladies will be a little bit shocked at that, they where all coming out with lovely suggestions of 'A Perfect Day' A Day in my life' you get the idea, well, I want them to think outside the box, they can do layouts like that themselves, but sometimes its good to let our family see what we really go through in our life, so my layout was all about my disaster with my car a few weeks back, I copied and pasted my blog entry directly onto the layout, did not use any photo's at all and voila it was done. Here is it for you.

This past weekend, turned into an unexpected surprise, I had planned a weekend away with the girls, but was let down at the last minute, only to be rescued again and allowed to go. I had some time to myself to do some projects that have put off for far to long, I made some ATC's, pretty much a first for me for a swap I'm involved in, and a load of Xmas cards for another swap (Don't ask about them though, can't believe I did, I actually had all my xmas cards finished in June, hee hee, oh well, I at least have half of next years sorted as well now) I even got some mini projects finished that have sat on the shelf for the past year and a bit. Only problem now is, my scraproom looks like a bomb has exploded in it, as I have not finished unpacking at all.
On the up side, I did get to spend some time with friends, I ate tons, dranks a wee amount, hee hee, and had lots of laughs.

This week, is seeing me planning and organising lots and lots, I'm hoping the final bits of work will be finished off in the house by the end of the week, but you know best laid plans and all that so please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Joke of the Day: “I’ll have you know,” said the snob to his date, “my father is a famous man in this town.He’s a Lion...a Moose…and an Elk.”“Wow!” said his date, “and what do you charge to see him?”

Home Cooking.

Last weekend I was lucky enough to have Ben all to myself. His Dad was away and we got to have the whole weekend doing what we wanted or what Ben wanted. And Ben wanted to cook, so cook we did.

We spent Saturday pouring over receipe books and deciding what to make, then checking the ingredients, etc. Sunday morning we got up early and went to Asda to get all the key ingredients we needed and then we spent the day cooking, and wow, what that boy produced, knocked me off my feet. My taste buds thought they where in heaven.

We skipped out on a starter as we knew what was planned for desert and we wanted to make sure we left room for that, so straight into Lemon Chicken with fresh herbs and the greatest roast potatoes ever, with Carrots cooked in orange juice and fresh seasoning, just look at this.

then for desert we had Chocolate Roulade, oh it was heaven, it lasted us a few days which we where both pleased about, hee hee.

Ben really enjoyed himself and although I helped, his confidence in the kitchen has really grown, so much so that he now wants to be responsible for cooking one meal a week in our house. And anybody who knows me, knows I won't be complaining about that, obviously it will all be supervised etc and safety in the kitchen is followed at all times.

So now we are trying to decide what to have this week to eat, so many choices of what to pick, ummmmmmmhhhhhhhhh I'm making myself hungry at the thought of all that wonderful food.

Joke of the Day, is more of a poem for all the girls out there and it comes from Clair over in Sunny Australia, Big waves to Clair, I miss you hunny bun.

Lord before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who is not a creep,
One who is handsome, smart & strong,
One who's willy's thick & long.

One who thinks before he speaks,
Promises to call & won't wait weeks,
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash,
Won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say,
When I ask " How big's my behind?",

One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin,
In the hall, the loo, the garden & kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend!


And as I kneel & pray by my bed,
I look at the wanker you sent me instead!

Amen.

Question Time.

This blog entry is to the person who left me a comment on yesterdays entry.

Anonymous said...
Why do you always use the same photos in your layouts? Don't you get bored of scrapping the same ones over and over?

Ummmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhh now should I be offended at this comment, or should I take it as a simple question. I've decided to take it as a simple question, as don't believe somebody would leave a comment on my blog that was meant to be hurtful.

I've actually only used the photos of me and ben used on yesterdays post, twice now, both times they have been for projects that have not been for me, but for another company to present their products, and I have to use what goes with the papers/products etc.

No I don't get bored of scrapping the same photos over and over again.

I'm not actually that great at taking pictures, something I need to work on more, and I plan to, I could not afford a camera when Ben was little so don't have many pictures of him as a wee one, and the ones I have are pants, so I prefer to scrap what photos I do have that are brilliant, and the recent photos you are seeing, where all shot by Kirsty Wiseman and I love them all. I'm also afraid to say, you will be seeing alot more of these photos over the coming months, as I want to do layouts of these pictures for me to keep myself.

If you look back over my blog you will see a variety of different pictures as well that I have used, i.e. ben in the pool, close up shots of ben, etc.

If you don't like my pictures or the contents (I appreciate it must be boring looking at Ben all the time), try looking beyond them to the actual layout, etc, you never know you might see something you like there.

I hope that answers your questions appropriately, if not please feel free to leave another comment or email me, there is a button in the top right hand corner that you can click to email me.

Thank you for your comment, I do appreciate a bit of interaction with the people who visit, its nice to know I'm not rambling away to nobody.

Oh no I hear you all cry........... not another book

Yep sorry it is. Another clear acrylic one I made for Stamp Addicts with the Bind it all machine.

I never really explained it yesterday. The book was made by sandwiching two pieces together, yesterdays was joined together with a sewing machine and the side where the binding is was left open. I did my layout double sided and inserted into the pages and then sew it together then bound it, some embellishments have been added to the outside of the pages to give depth and dimension to the book.

Todays book, was made in a similar way, but instead of sewing it, I used eyelets to fasten it together and then added some floss for decoration, the floss does not hold the book together as both pages where eyeletted together, but if you wanted to you could eyelet each page and then use floss or ribbon to hold it together if you wanted. Again this book has been embellished inside and outside to give depth and dimension and make parts of it interactive like the tags, etc.

I do love the acrylic books that are about now, I know they are meant to be made from thick perspex, but who can afford those, when these ones only cost approx 20 a sheet, I used 10 sheets on each book, a bargain, if I don't say so myself.

Joke of the day:

Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked. She responded, "It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without."

I'm rapidly running out of jokes, so if you have any good ones, please email them to me and I promise I will post them on my blog and give you all the credit.

Take care of yourselves. xxx

Thank You

I got this email from a friend a few moments ago and after picking myself up off the floor and wiping my eyes dry from the tears of laughter I came straight here to share with you. So for a change we will have Joke of the Day at the top of the entry.

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (PennyBrown); who is about to die in the hospital for the1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a waterbuffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Thank You

See what I mean, that last paragraph had me running for the toilet as I almost peed myself laughing.

Anyway, back to business. This weekend was a weekend from hell, or at least the Friday was. It all started out great, I left home on Thursday, spent the night at Kirsty's and had a great time watching crap TV, listening to Marks running comments, (honestly that guy is so funny, he had me laughing out loud the whole time, with looks of contempt from Kirsty, she is obviously use to his humour). Got up on Friday all lovely and refreshed, was feed bacon sarnies, yahoo.

At 12 o clock, I set off for Harrogate. Now the trip should have taken 1.5 hours according to the AA and the route they gave me. Well the weather did not help matters, neither did the traffic, or the stone that flew up and gave my windscreen a lovely decorative crackled finish. At about 3.30 I arrived in ............................ Wait for............................ Bradford, still at least 40 mins drive from where I should be, and what should happen, my car died, on a major roundabout, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Quickly calls the AA whilst winding up windows so I can't hear all the nasty comments currently aimed at me. Whilst on the phone, I try the engine and yahoo, it works, AA says ok, on you go. 5 mins later, AHHHHHHHHHHHH Car dies again. Hello is that the AA, and a 80 minutes wait. I do have to say that the guy who finally arrived to my rescue was great, he could not fix the car, but apart from that he was great, he was able to spend 30 minutes on the phone to all his pals to be able to tell me he had no idea what was wrong but everyone else thought it might be the alternator. So a trip to a garage and 2.5 hours later and £250.00 lighter in the pocket I was on my way, Yahoooooooo, oh no, I celebrated to early, 2 minutes out of the garage and my exhaust fell off. Well hopefully you can appreciate why I drove the rest of the way with tears streaming down my face.

I eventually got to Harrogate at nearly 7.30pm, Sarah and Vicky had been held up on their journey as well, and had been kicked out the exhibition hall at 6pm, and had spent the last 1.5 hours wandering around Sainsburys waiting for me. This also meant they had not managed to get the stand set up, so straight off it was early to bed as we had a very very early start.

However, once the stand was set up, we had a great weekend, I saw a few friends, which was unexpected and really nice, but did not have time to chat to them for long as I was demonstrating the bind it all machine. I left the show on Sunday after helping pack the stand away, and left with two new friends, Sarah and Vicky from Stamp Addicts, what brilliant girls, I had so much fun with them, we stayed up late chatting in our hotel room, and had fun and laughter on the stand as well. I have been making some projects up for Stamp Addicts recently with the bind it all, in fact I went a bit wild and made 15 projects up for them, and no they where not all mini books, but I will share with you one of my favourite ones just now.

I adore this book, and can't wait till I get it back from the girls, I made another clear book which is much simplier and I'll share that one with you tomorrow night, that is if I remember, hee hee.

Anyway, have to go, nearly time for Heroes.

Take care of yourselves. xxxx

One Job down, another million little ones to go.

I've finished all the curtains now, yahoo, even had enough fabric left over to do the upstairs windows as well, so now our house from the front is all private and nobody can peek in. About time too. hee hee.

I also knocked up this little bag out of teatowels, its not great, but I like it, its even lined on the inside as well.

The teatowels where from Au Naturalle, and only cost me £4.00 the lining material I already had from previous sewing projects. The Ricrak is from Blonde moments and is lovely and chunky. Quite cute or what?

I forgot to mention the other day that the next BOM prompt is up, here is my layout, you are challenged to do a layout that shows you doing something that makes you feel liberated and free. The photo is yet another one of the dazzling ones that Kirsty Wiseman took.

I'm off this weekend to the Harrogate show as I'm demonstrating for Stamp Addicts, quite excited as I've never been to this show before and it will be lovely to see some of my crafting buddies as well. Our house is like a whirlwind at the moment though, having to get a Ben, Dog and Cat sitter in, in the guise of Gerry, so we are running around like headless chickens making sure everything is all nice and tidy, ready for him to come and make a complete mess off. What are men like, they can't keep anything tidy.

Well have to run as Heroes is on soon and me and Ben are seriously addicted to it.

Take care of yourselves.

Joke of the Day:

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Under the weather

I really am, not sure what is wrong with me, but I'm so tired out and feel like i have the cold coming on. yuk.

Saturday was Angela's crop, it was a 12 hour one and I taught two classes at it, I did a beginners class as she had quite a few new people come along and then did a book class for everyone else using the bind it all machines. It seems everyone loved both classes, which is a relief, I always get so nervous that they won't like what I've come up with.





I loved the beginners class, we used Blonde Moment papers and chalks, everybody's layout looked so different depending on what colour chalks they used.

Its a heart 2 heart between father and son, I took the photo last summer of Ben and Gerry in the Garden, took lots of practise but I loved the final shot I got.

Close up shots are of the hearts which have been raised and I used embrodiary floss to stitch the hearts.



Here is the cover of the book from the other class that I taught, we used paper, and paint and lots of glitter glue, I love this book, as we used transparency's between pages to add our journalling, etc.


And out of the scraps from this class I was able to make this layout and 4 cards, in the end I still had bits left over, but decided enough ws enough and in the bin they went.

Today, I have been quite productive around the house, I've made some voila curtains for the dining room, I still have to make another pair for the lounge but I'm planning on doing them later, and I even managed to knock myself up a little tote bag out of two teatowels, I share that with you tomorrow.

Have to go now and finish off these other curtains, they won't make themselves.

Take care of yourselves.


Joke of the day:

A poet and a scientist were traveling together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $5."The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance between the Earth and the Moon?"The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist.The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.

Old Dog ~ New Tricks

Trevor went and had his hair cut the other day at the poodle parlours and what a shock we got when we went to pick him up. He had aged in the matter of an hour.

Last time we had his hair cut he looked like a puppy when we got him back, this time, he looks like an old man. Once all the excess hair was removed, we discovered he is graying and he is now sporting a grey eyebrow, very strange, but at the same time he looks distinguised and regal, hee hee.














What is that all about, he looks so sad in these pics, but thats cause I woke him up from his usual dream of chasing rabbits, you know the type, the ones where the dogs legs are running whilst they sleep, so funny.

This last two weeks have been hectic for me on the DT front, have had loads of projects to get finished off, and just as I think I have my desk all nice and cleared another project lands on it, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I can honestly tell you I miss just scrapping for myself, it seems that everything I do at the moment is for others, whether it be a DT project, class kit, BOM prompt or work for others I never seem to get my head above that line. Now don't get me wrong, I absoloutely love doing DT projects, etc, and at the end of the day I use pics of my family so I am getting some of my scrapping done as well, its just that I always feel like I'm working to a deadline and if I'm honest I'm not good with deadlines. I will always meet them, but its generally a last minute thing, hee hee, ok, hold up your hand if your the same. Yep thought so, you all have your hand in the air. I am now planning on spending the next two days working flat out, so that come this weekend its just pure me me me time.

I'm going to the Angel Crafts 12 hour crop, YAHOO, a full 12 hours of uninterrupted scrapping time, ok, I am teaching two classes whilst I'm there, a beginners class and a crop class, but thankfully I'm well ahead of myself and have them all organised notes typed, printed, etc, hopefully Angela has the kits made up.

I do love the classes I'm going to teach, the beginners class in particular is one of my favourite layouts, I did the layout quite some time ago and have never put it up anywhere, as I loved it so much I wanted to keep it for myself. Do you ever get like that, silly I know as we all love to share our work, but don't you just every now and again, decide to hold something back of yourself just for you?????

Ben is back into the swing of school and fibs, every night when he comes home we end up arguing about homework, etc. I did a layout to honour this current stage in our relationship and here it is, its part of my DT for Angel Crafts this month, so hopefully Angela won't mind me sharing it with you all.

The journalling all around the photo is about how we fight with each other at the moment, but when all is said and done.......... you know................ hee hee, sorry, off on one of funny turns their,

No, seriously when all is said and done, we are still best friends.

I'll come back after the weekend and share with you the class stuff from the crop, but till then, take care of yourselves.

Joke of the Day is from Janet - Thanks hunny, you always manage to have me laughing my head off

Revenge.
A boy about 16 years old walked down the street dragging a
flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep
of a brothel and
knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the
little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex
with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm
not leaving until I get it."

The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in. Once in,
she told him to pick any of the girls.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?"

Of course, the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots
after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for
it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the
right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian
behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the
frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.

The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my
parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home
with a baby-sitter.
After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because . She will then get the Dose that I just caught".

"When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On
the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go
to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it".

"In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the
milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and HE'S the
bastard who ran over my frog!"

New BOM Prompt is up

I took a break during August and never did a Book of Me Prompt, so I have two to do for September to help the girls stay on track. The first one is out now and I love it. If you have never done a BOM Layout, then jump over to the thread on UKS and check it out, all the previous prompts are on the first entry on the thread.

You have to go and ask a family member or a friend to describe who you are as a person. I never actually asked anybody as somebody had already summed me up in a way that left me astonished, but I loved what they said about me.

I used something that Kirsty said about me on her blog, entry is here if you want to see it.

She said - "Look beyond the obvious and peel back the layers of a woman with stamina, determination and heart. TRUE."

I loved this, at first I was gobsmacked by her comment, but once I let it sink in and thought about if for a while, I realised, She is right, I am like that, and I love the fact that she saw that in me and opened my eyes to the fact. Kirsty Thank you so much, your a brilliant friend and I wubs you.

So here is this months layout with a few close up shots.

The photo is one also taken by the Oh so talented Kirsty, she is an amazing photographer who makes you feel so relaxed, her photography site is here, go and check it out, and if you can book her, honestly she will take the best photo's you have ever had.

I saw a layout by Suzanne recently on UKS and was so inspired by it, that I kinda pinched one of her ideas, her layout is here if you want to see it, I highly recommend it, a very tongue in cheek letter to Jamie Oliver and a stunning layout to boot.

I loved the scalloped circle she did, and I just had to try it out for myself. I do love this effect and its something I will be doing lots of in the future.

I have loads to do today, but my morning was started in off in the most delightful way, Angela came over and brought bacon and rolls with her, so on went the grill and we stuffed our faces, yum yum. She also brought over my DT kit for the next month for the Angela Crafts Design Team, and wow, is all I can say at the moment, I love it, have no idea what I'm going to do with it just yet, but wow, stunning.

Joke of the day is another one from Janet and is so funny, I dare you not to laugh out load.

Morris and his Wife, Esther went to the state fair every year. Every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

A few years later, Esther and Morris went to the fair again. Morris said "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter now, I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple. He said "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed - and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers. But not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!

Morris replied, "Well I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars!

Take care of yourselves and I'll see you all soon.

Friggin Lawn Mower

Today I got up full of good intentions, I had my day all mapped out and it revolved around attacking my very much overgrown garden.


So after getting myself suitable dressed and wellies pulled on, I start the mammoth task of pulling out the lawnmower, trimmer, waste bags, extension leads, safety plugs, blah blah, you get the idea. I start the mower up, do an area about the size of postage stamp and the ruddy blades fall off.


Let the search commence for the replacement blades. Now you know when you can see something in your mind, you know exactly what the item looks like but you can't remember for the life of you where you put it, well that was me for over an hour today. I swear to god the replacement blades, instructions manuals, screwdrivers and everything for the lawnmower are all in a bag together and I thought they where in the shed, Let me tell you, I pulled that shed to pieces, I have never ran out of a shed so many times screaming at the size of the spiders that usually quite happily live in there enjoying the peace and quiet, well not today. Charlie our cat had a field day chasing the little monsters all over the place, and he even ate a few, Yuck yuck yuck. After a fruitless search I gave up, packed everything away and now have a lawn that looks like something went mad in a very small area.

And thats been my day, not the most productive, but not from lack of effort.

Joke of the day for you all is from my great friend Janet, and had me wiping coffee off my computer screen when I read it.

An old Irish cowboy sat down at the Star bucks in Dublin and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

I know I know

I'm terrible at updating this blog at the moment, but its been all go in our house the past week. Ben started back at school and is now in the 2nd year of High School. He looks amazing in his uniform, but I've promised him I won't embrasses him by posting a pic of him on my blog, and a promise is a promise.

I have been like a whirlwind this week, on a cleaning frenzy. My scrapping stuff had appeared to take on a life of its own, and was gradually spreading itself all around the house, it had managed to take over the craft room, the dining room and the kitchen, it was getting so bad that we had resorted to eating our meals on our laps in the family room. Which was something Ben was complaining about, meant he got to watch TV whilst he ate, whereas I on the other hand hated it. We only usually get to have one meal together each day, and I always love having it round the dinner table as it gives us all a chance to play catch up and find out how every ones day went. We stole this idea from a movie about doing High/Low, you give one high for the day and one low for the day and then we all have something to talk about.

Anyway, back to the point, my scrapping stuff had taken over the house, so I had to tidy up. I've now managed to tidy my craft room, have filled my boot with stash I no longer want, and I'm going to be taking it all to my card group on Saturday to sell and raise some much needed funds. And on a bonus note, because I've tidied up, I now have a clean and tidy Dining Room and Kitchen, on the downside, Ben was not pleased to be back at the dinner table for tea this evening, hee hee.

My Godchildren came over last week. And we had a great time. They where only here for about 4 hours, which was nowhere near long enough for us, but we did manage to bake some cakes and play. Natascha managed to raid my scrapbooking stash and left with a huge bag full, which she has unfortunately had to leave at her Grans as there was no room in her suitcase to take it home, but she is coming back over in October and will be able to take it all back with her then, she is also planning on having a scrapping fest with me. Yahoo.

I have had approval from our presevation company to re-decorate the hall and lounge as well now, so I now need to do some plastering, anybody want to come and help, AHHHHHHHHHHHH I've never plastered in my life, and have a area about 6ft by 6ft that needs done, I'm terrified of doing it, incase I make a mess. Once I've done it I can get the decorating finished and the carpets fitted, and the house will be finally finished, or at least the inside will be. I still need to finish the garden off and do some painting outside, and then Viola, all done. Any volunteers want to offer their help?????????

And finally I am so honoured as Heather has nominated my blog for a Schmooze award, how honored and an award as a 'Thoughtful blogger'. I actually have to confess that I have no idea what these awards are for or why I have received them, considering how bad I am at bloggin at the moment, but I am so pleased to have been picked. I do love blogging and I love to read other peoples blogs, my blog is mainly me ranting on like a mad woman though, and probably bores everone to sleep, but I don't care, it gives me a place to keep an online diary, and I do love sitting here and reading my older posts, I love to see how my family and friends have progressed over the year and I love having the ability to catch up with friends via their blogs. So Heather thank you so much for nominating me. xxxx to you darling.

I have to nominate some people to receive these, so here goes. Firstly I will pick Angela, because she is a tower of strength to me at times and she is such a thoughtful person.

Secondly I pick Suzanne, you are amazing and you know you are, hee hee (she will hate me for that)

Thirdly I will pick Tracie, you have been such a loyal supporter and advocate for Lippy Chick and you always scream its praises from the rooftops, thank you so much.

Fourth is Kirsty - Come on cyclops you know you want to join in

And last but not least I pick Pam, cause I love her blog, it has me laughing so hard at times and her work is stunning and best of all she is always happy to share it with us.

I did want to pick a few others, but they have already had the awards, but I still love you all.

Anyway take care, and here is your joke of the day:

WHERE DO REDHEADED BABIES COME FROM?

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed a bit ashamed.

"I've been working very hard for the past year.

We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently.

"It's rust"

Be Warned, photo overload

Yep, I've left it so long since I last blogged, I'm going to give you all a photo overload, first up we have the last book I did for the Stamp Addicts workshops that I recently taught at, and then we have pics of Suzannes kids.

So to start you here is the last book I did for Stamp Addict. I loved this one, its probably my fave, I know I should not have a fave, but if squeezed, pinched and kicked really really hard, then this would def. be it.

Each of the flaps have been left open at the top to allow for a tag to be put in, this is a really jammed packed book, but it does still fit in its cover, just, ha ha.

OK, next lot of photos start now, hee hee.

We have had quite a week here, Suzanne and the kids arrived Weds tea-time, and we got stuck straight into scrapping, I was working on some projects that I can't share just yet, and Suzanne was working on a layout for the Design Collection class, what can I say about it but Wow, Wow, Wow, amazing. On Thursday, we all jumped into the car, no mean feat with 4 kids and 2 adults and headed off for a day at the People's Palace, me and Ben had gone last week, but it was a spur of the moment thing and I never had my camera.

Today was different, armed with camera, we had a great time. We split up into teams as they give the kids a detective form to fill in, to make sure they get as much from the place as possible, it was girls against boys. The girls had a great time trying to read the scottish text. The boys had a wild time of it as well, they discovered the lifts and I think they spent all their time going up and down between the floors. We finally finished off our quest for clues, and had lunch - picnic style in the Winter Gardens, and wow was it hot, the sun was coming through the glass and it was like having our own private desert island, expect for all the peeps who had to keep stepping over us that is. The kids all had numerous goes of the wishing well, so much so that Suzannes purse was much lighter on the journey home.

After the Palace and Gardens, we made our way home, with a quick detour via the park to let the kids have a mad 1/2 hour and hopefully make them tired (it did'nt work) Ben, Josh and Chaira all ran straight for the biggest thing in the park and raced to the top, whilst I stood open mouthed in fear of them dropping from great heights and trying to figure out the best route to A&E.

Josh got stuck in the kids train and took an age to come out, that might have had something to do with me standing there though, refusing to leave till I had caught an appropriate shot of him in distress, at no point did I offer to assist, see what a good scrapper I am, ha ha.

Actually Josh hates his picture been taken and its a nightmare for Suzanne as she is desperate to scrap him, I on the other hand have a dream son who will let me take his picture whenever I so desire, take today for instance, we had left a small feather boa out from when the kids where here, and Ben decided to put it on (whilst still in his PJ's) and model it for me, when I grabbed my camera, I thought he might have run off, but no, he happily posed for a few shots - Bless him. (ummhhh I'm wondering whilst typing this, if I should be worried, nahhhhhhhh nothing to worry about, it was good honest fun)

Anyway, I digress, Mia promptly showed him how it was suppose to be done, what a cutie pie she is.

We had a slight downpour whilst at the park, you can see the rain clouds gathering in some of the pics, so we took shelter under the trees, (I know, not a wise move, but there was no thunder) and whilst under the trees, I got this shot of the girls, and I love it. Anyway, once me and Suzanne where tired out (yes us and not the kids) we set off home for tea.

Suzanne and the kids where suppose to be leaving us on Friday morning, but they all asked if they could stay another night and who was I to say no, think I might have even planted the seed in their heads, hee hee. We had a ball, the girls are amazing, they create their own little fantasy world and play so happily, I was so jealous as wanted to be a part of it. Ben and Josh had a computer fest, we never saw the boys except for meal times. We all ate well and drank well and languished in each others company, and the odd bit of scrapping was done as well. Angela even came over on Thursday night to join in, well she watched and gossiped whilst me and Suzanne scrapped.

Saturday, was card group day for me and Anne my friend, Sunday was lazy day and yesterday Me and Ben went out with Bens dad for a day before Ben starts back at school, actually it was quite a nice day, the weather was good to us, and we went to the botanical gardens, must admit, that once you have seen one plant, they do start to all look the same, but it was fun, especially making the venus fly trap close up thinking it had caught a tasty lunch, only to discover we had tricked it with tree bark, ha ha. Then we had lunch at the German brewery and had another wander around the Peoples Palace, can you guess yet where my fave place is at the moment, yep you got it right the Peoples Palace, ha ha.

Last night was spent scrapping in earnest, I need to clear this project pile from my desk to let me get on with the book of me prompts which are due soon. I never posted one in August, so have to do two for September, and my brain is not working at the moment, have the prompts, just no inspiration for the layouts, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ben was suppose to start back at School today, but with his school been a new build, they are having a few teething problems and it's been delayed till Thursday, yahoo, a few extra days with Ben. Tomorrow our Godchildren are coming over for the day, before they head back home to Canada, so I'm now running around try to find baking goodies for us to play with and some scrapping stuff, Natashca has taken up scrapbooking and I've promised her she can raid my room (oh no what have I let myself in for), Cameron wants to cook up a storm and play rough and tumble with Ben, so by tomorrow night the house will a chaos of flour, grass and scrapping stuff, but its all in the name of fun, so I don't care.

Anyway, thats enough from me, I'm sure I'll be back later in the week with pics of our cooking and scrapping fest, till then take care of yourself,

Joke of the day is from Claire, all the way from Down under - Love you Claire, big kisses from me to you. xxx

A young Chinese couple gets married.

She's a virgin.

Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.

On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.

He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My darring,' he whispers, 'I know dis iss your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. you juss ask... so... whatchu want?' he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, 'I want try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbah 69.' More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... 'You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegetable?'