Oh No, I'm bad

Am suppose to be studying, but have given myself the weekend off, tut tut......

Took off with Ben in the car for a trip to visit my oldest friend in the whole world, Nut or in other words, Janet.

She lives in Stoke on Trent and we had big plans to go to Trentham Gardens to do the sensory barefoot walk, you go over different surfaces and at the end you walk over hot coals, however, when we arrived so had the snow, so that put paid to those. So instead we did a bit of retail therapy. I feel in love with a top in a soft dusty pink that was in New Look, and finished it off with some grey tights and high heels, perfect for my upcoming weekend to Manchester with Jen in a few weeks.

After shopping, we went home and pigged out big style, now don't think the top will fit, ha ha.

I love coming to Nut's place, its one of only a few places in the world where I feel completely relaxed, I sleep like a baby, which is amazing because when I'm home I'm lucky if I sleep for more than 2 hours a night.

Anyway just a quick update, I know I said I would tell you more about what happened over the last year, and I will.

Catch ya later

xxx

Year in review

Here is another snap shot of last year from my facebook, it took snippets from my posts over the year and made a collage, really jogs the memory of what I got upto over the year.

Photos from last year

Facebook did this cool thing, it grabbed random pics that I had posted in my facebook albums and created a montage (probably spelt that wrong), so any way, I thought I would share it with you here.

First pic is of me and Jane at Retrofest held in August at Loudon Castle, next is Lesley Anne, she made me a lovely lunch in the summer and we pigged out on cakes (Aug). 3rd is me and my stunning god-daughter Natascha, taken in June at her brothers first communion, 4th one is a random snog, ha ha, it was for a bet, and I'm dressed up as a gangster for my friends hen night which we spent in Carlisle (July).

Next row, first pic is me and some friends from Lockerbie, Sam and Jules, we rented a cottage at the southern most point in Scotland for a week and just chilled out in October. Next pic is of Roadie who also got to spend some chill out time at the cottage in October, hiding under the rhubarb, ok its not rhubarb, its that plant that grows freakishly tall, but roadie is tiny and it looked funny. Next pic is of me and Rita (Dawns Mum) taken at Christmas at the farm where we where snowed in, brilliant fun. and last one on the 2nd row is me and two friends, Gus and Craig, enjoying the delights of Airdrie and Diamonds, seriously it is horrid, but thankfully with two jokers like that with you, its bound to end up been good fun (July)

3rd Row is me and sam enjoying a really nice night catching up in Glasgow, thats the Clyde crane growing out of my head (Aug), next is a deer that I managed to catch on camera whilst camping with Ben. We discovered the joys of camping last year and ended up away most weekends. (July). The 3rd pic is of my first time camping, I went away with Sam, Jules and Roadie to a lovely little hide away on the Firth of Solway in Dumfries at Easter. It was freezing cold at night and we kept a fire going most of the time, but we had an amazing weekend. (April) and the final picture on this row is of Me, sat on my stairs at home. (Aug)

And the final row we have the girls who all went on the hen night in Carlisle (July) Me and Ben camping (Aug) and me and mitch at the farm (Aug) and the final pic is of Sam and Roadie messing about in Lockerbie (Feb).

Well as you can see my camera was pretty busy over the summer and we got upto lots. I'll keep adding pics from other things we got upto as well for you over the next coming weeks hopefully. Thats if I can keep this blogging up.

Take care of yourself.

xxx

Fun companions, silly words, chit chat talking......

.....that was how my weekend was spent.

I so needed the get away and thankfully I have the best friends in the world who are dotted about everywhere, so this weekend Ben and I, jumped in the car and headed for the MEEK's, that means Mark, Ellie, Eddie and Kirsty's in Wigan.

Took us 3 hours to get there, a bit of a personal best, hee hee, and once we had arrived and been dully shouted at off Kirsty for driving to fast we vegged out.

There are only a few places in the whole world where I can completely Veg out and thankfully Kirsty's house is one of them.

Now usually when we get together, its usually chat chat scrap eat chat scrap scrap eat chat, etc. This time though and I think its a first, we did not scrap and we did not take out our camera's once. We just did the chat chat, laugh, eat, chat, giggle, fart (whoops that was just Kirsty), eat, sleep, relax, chat, chat, giggle. And it was brilliant.

Think its probably the first time I've seen Kirsty completely relax, she is usually hitting a deadline for a design project, and although she did have her tax return to complete, she ignored it to indulge me in a chill fest.

She was a domestic goddess, cooking, baking, fussing and taking time out to just sit and catch up and talk stupid talk. I'm talking foot funghi to mango chutney, so pretty varied conversations.

Mark took Ben out Geocaching, and Ben really enjoyed it, hes located some in the local area to ourselves and has plans to drag his dad out this weekend to find some.

Anyway, I had a great weekend, and I have a few more weekends away planned with friends, I think you need to spoil yourself occassionally by surrounding yourself with friends.

I hope you had a good weekend.

Take care of yourselves. xxxx

New Year - New Start

Well I'm still considering what to do with this blog, but for the time been I thought I might fill you in on some of the things I've been up to over the last year.

I've been happy, that's the first thing, amazing how a few changes in your daily grind and outlook on life can change everything. I have gone back to Uni, its tough, as only there part time and working full time, but I'm making progress and it feels amazing.

I've barely picked up a camera or scrapped a page in the last year and I have barely missed the scrapping community, don't get me wrong I still have friends who I could not do without in my life who I made in the scrapping world and I keep in constant contact with them.

I have felt inspired once or twice and have stored the ideas and inspiration away for when I feel like scrapping again (which best be soon, as I'm off this weekend to spend it with a scrappy friend, and also next weekend, ahhhhhhhhhh, LOL).

Ben has grown into the most amazing young man, he is so tall and I'm overflowing with pride for him and all of his achievements, this weekend he takes on a 2 star examination weekend with Army cadets and if he passes he also gets his duke of Edinburgh award, he has already done everything required for the DofE but rules dictate he can't have the actual award till he passes this 2 star exam, so we have everything crossed.

I have put my house on the market, as it is way to big for me and Ben, but Ben has now said he does not want to move, and we are stuck between a rock and a hard place whilst we decide what to do, I'm tempted to remove it from the market, but then again, it is way to big (see I can't make my mind up)

I also celebrated a big birthday, and had the best time with some of my closest friends and family. We started with a wee knees up at my house, then we all trundled off to a private dining room we had hired and ate till we burst, then it was back to my house to carry on the knees up and then when those who where leaving left the rest of us stayed up for hours chatting and talking, it was so nice and relaxed, I have to confess to been very nervous about the whole thing, as I have lots of friends who have never met each other before, not sure why, suppose its because we have different interests, etc. But I was worried about how they would all get on, silly really, they are all adults and would have been ok, but I was overjoyed when they where more than ok, but they loved each other, we had such a scream and they are now all chatting to each other and have all made friends as well.

Well I think that's enough for now.

Hope you are all well, if you stop by, please leave a comment saying hi and who you are.

Roz
xxx

ummmmhhhhhh...........

Well hello there, I'm just testing the waters to see if I can do this anymore, not sure if I even remember how to just ramble on in a blog post but I'm gonna give it a shot.

I originally started this blog as a way of sharing my crafty makes with my friends, then last year I took a year out, and wow what a year it has been, ups and downs, highs and lows, laughs and tears. But I've loved every minute of it.

I have hardly done any crafting at all, but I slowly feel the inspiration starting to creep back in, sure sign is sitting behind a bus looking at an advert going ohhhhhhhhhhhh I like that, that would look good on a layout.

So I'm gonna see where the inspiration takes me and I might occasionally update my blog, we will see how it goes.

Take care of yourselves.

xxx

Stop the world I want to get off..............

I've had a horrible year, actually strike that and make it a horrible few years and I'm determined that 2009 and is not going to go the same way. I've decided I'm only going to do what I want to do, and not what everyone thinks I should do.

At the end of day, this is my life and nobody else can tell me how to run it. So I'm taking a holiday from blogging and everything else that I can't be arsed with.

For those of you that visit this blog because you are my friend, email me or better still pick up the phone.

For those of you that come here just to be nosy, I'm sorry.

Now all of you, get off your lard arses and go and do something better than sitting in front of a PC surfing blogs and crap. There is a massive world out there, go and conquer it.

When ever I come across a joke that makes me laugh, I'll try to remember to post it here so you can get your fix of laughs.

Take care of you. xxx mwahahahahaha xxxxx

Happy New Year

Hey everyone out there in blogger land who reads this blog, I just wanted to say a Massive Happy New Year to you all. I hope that 2009 brings all you wish for it.

I'm spending the New Year with Friends and we plan to party party party.

I have a cold and am hoping that the wonderful medicine of Jack Daniels is going to cure it or kill it tonight for me.

Hope santa was good to you all, he was to me, I got what I asked for a few extra things besides so that was brilliant.

Anyway have to, I'm meant to be doing things to get the party started, but I've snuck onto here for a few mins.

Take care everyone and I'll hopefully see you in the new year.

Roz
xxx

Merry Christmas

Hope you all get what your heart desires.

Sad News

Today I have announced that the Luxurious Angel retreats that where scheduled for 2009 have now been cancelled.

This is due to reasons out with my control, please believe me when I tell you that if I could change things to stop this from happening I would have done.

Seriously I lead a boring life

Honestly I have barely anything to report at all.

I've been taking it quite easy of late, getting ready for Christmas, have spent time with friends relaxing and chatting which is always good.

Last week I was asked to teach a class of P7's (11 years old) at a primary school in Blanefield which is right on the edge of the West Highland way, one of my best buds has a farm located within a forest and I got to stay the night, we stayed up quite late building the kits for the kids and drinking wine and chatting, I love going to the farm, as it is quite literally in the middle of a forest, you have to drive up a dirt track for 2 miles to reach it, and they have no neighbours for at least a 2 mile radius. It is so peaceful at the farm, that is except for the cockerals and chickens first thing in the morning, ha ha.

Anyway, the following day, I got to spend some amazing time with the kids, we all did a Lippy Chick Flip book and the kids loved them, after that we spent quite some time working on designs for a tag swap they are all going to do between themselves before they move onto high school, that way they will have a reminder of there class mates.

Lesley Anne came over one night to make her Christmas cards, she has come up with the most simple but stunning design. I on the other hand did bugger all, kept starting projects only to put them to one side as could not really be bothered. I think she is gonna pop over again next week to finish them off, hopefully by then, I'll have got my mojo back and be raring to create something amazing and unique (fat chance)

Tomorrow night I have my works night out, I'm really looking forward to it, though not sure all of my colleagues are, they usually just go for a meal, but some of the lads said they would prefer one in a hotel so they could have a good night out and stay over, so we are off to a party night with 329 other people, quite a few of us are staying over night and planning a big a party in one of the rooms after the bar shuts.

I have been on the beauty route all week, ha ha, and before you say it, yes I obviously need it, ha ha.

Anyway thats all my news,

Not much to report

Have had a fairly relaxing week, pottering about at home with Ben, and we have had the most self indulgent weekend where we never left the house, so I'm afraid to say I have no news. But then you do get the old saying, no news is good news.

I do have the funniest thing to share with you though, I was emailed this today at work, and could not stop my laughter from bubbling over for all to hear, which considering it was all blokes in my office today, I could not explain the joke to them at all.

This is definitely a woman thing For those of you who wax, you will understand fully and those who don't will never make this mistake.

Better go pee before you read this. This Is by far one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Hair Removal... (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but...WHAT A RIOT!)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of Easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the Wax. Read on........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, Play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel then apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right! ) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the Skin round it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it *was* a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPP P!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!! !

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious... must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip. There's No hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself

'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may Pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can Stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax Should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!! !*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!! ! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?' She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! It works !!'

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE....... ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color...

Heaven is a place on earth..........

............ Called Lower Croasdale Farm.

I have just spent the most relaxing and productive weekend that I've ever had.

I was away with a group of friends and we hired the farmhouse for the weekend, set off on Friday morning and met up with the girls in Penrith, where we had a bite of lunch and did some shopping, then it was off to the Farm.

I swear to god, I want to live there, for ever and ever, it is so remote yet so idyllic, it was also massive inside and plenty of room for us to spread out and scrap to our hearts content. I have to admit to becoming a scrapping monster for the whole weekend, I managed to make almost 100 cards, 5.5 layouts (yes I'm counting the half one that is still ongoing) and also a present for a friend which is basically a double layout, I can't tell you more till have completed another one and posted them to the said friend (wink wink)

The girls all left Sunday afternoon, but the farm was rented till Monday so I stayed on another night with another one of the girls, well did not see the point in driving home in the miserable wet weather which was rapidly turning dark, and I had booked the day off work especially so I could take my time. Which meant I got to stay and scrap longer, yahooooooooooooooo.

I've driven home today and unpacked everything, which let me tell you is not like me at all, I usually just dump everything in my craft room, shut the door and ignore it for a week or so. But I really feel like my mojo is back. I've even scrapped tonight, ahhhhhhhhhh shock horror I hear you all cry. Yep, there was a challenge over on UKS using a sketch and I whipped out my stash and played away. I have taken a picture of the layout, but the light is poo pants and I had to crack the ISO right up, so its not that great, I will take a better picture during the day light at some point over the week and share with you all.

Tomorrow its back to work, but at least it will be a short week. I am trying to get my flexi hours right up, so that I can take another day off in a few weeks and get another lovely long weekend.

Anyway, not much else to report, so I'll leave you with a joke. This is a bit rude so if you don't like that sort of thing, I suggest you leave now. Joke is courtesy of Natalie, thanks Nat, you are a star for keeping me in Jokes.

The VOODOO PENIS

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.

He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except ... the Voodoo Penis !'

The husband said 'The what' ? The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo !'

The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door !'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box !' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife, And after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me .'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right ... Voodoo Penis, my ass . !'

The rest, as they say is... History!!!

I must be mad

But I've only gone and done it, I've announced the 2009 dates for the next Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experiences. I've not even finished unpacking from the last one.

We have the most amazing location in Scotland all set for us, and we will be going back to Crewe again.

Details are all below.

On a personal note, I'm sick, I have the flu and feel horrible, I'm spending lots of time in my bed with a massive box of tissues, and lemsip, I'm sleeping lots, which I think is my bodies way of saying whooooooooooooo, stop and relax. Thank goodness for my laptop with its wireless connection, I would feel quite isolated if I could not at least surf the net.

I wanted to tell you all about my weekend, but kept forgetting to post, so I'll give you a quick run down now.

I was meeting a friend in Carlisle for the day with Ben and we where meant to be taking some photograph's, but could we get parked, not a chance, the place was packed out, as apprently the great northern run was on the same weekend, doh, we really should have checked that out. However all was not lost as I had planned my trip well and on the way back Ben and I where going to Lockerbie Manor for Andy's 40th Birthday, so a quick call and we all went over to watch a falconry display on the front lawn and we had 2 lovely hours wandering around the grounds taking pics. Kate my friend had to leave after this point, but Ben and I where invited to the full thing and stayed on. We had the most amazing fun night, meeting new friends and old and generally have a good old knees up. Ben went to bed just after midnight, but I did not follow till 3am, I spent hours chatting away to friends and to the Birthday Boy and had an amazing time.

I met Andy through Luxurious Angels, we held the retreats in the past at his hotel, and we have remained friends ever since.

I'm sure I will be nipping over that way some time soon, as me and Andy have to catch up on a lot more stuff with each other and he is one of those people I just connect with, we can chat away for hours about nothing. Don't you just love people like that. I know I do.

Here is the birthday boy with one of his stunning daughters playing Funny Bunny

OK, here are the details of the next two retreats for you, I really hope you can make it, as it would be lovely to see you.

Luxurious Angels are proud to present our 2009 scrapbooking experience schedule

13th to 15th March 2009 – Barony Castle, Peebles ****4 Star Hotel

And

2nd to 4th October 2009 - Wychwood Park, Crewe ****4 Star Hotel

The package includes:

Lunch and dinner on Friday

Breakfast, lunch & dinner on Saturday

Breakfast & Lunch on Sunday.

5 Classes (no need to choose as each delegete will experience the same classes together)

Ample cropping space

Make's and takes

Challenges

Games

Goody bag

Use of all the hotel's leisure facilities.

Teachers

5 excellent classes have been planned by some of your favourite teachers as we type!

They are:

Roz Carter

Suzanne Torr

Kirsty Wiseman
We will some guest teachers hopefully dropping by as well to share some makes and takes with you.

Shop till you drop

Sarah’s Cards Ltd will be on site and will be able to fulfil all your demands for all those scrapping essentials including all the latest deliveries from CHA

If you are interested in joining us for either of these fabulous experiences, please contact us directly at info@luxuriousangels.co.uk. And state which event you would like a booking form for.

Joke of the day is a quick one, as this is quite a long post.

“What is your occupation?” asked the judge.“I’m a locksmith, your honor.”“And what were you doing in the jeweler’s shop at three in the morning when the police officers entered?’“ I was making a bolt for the door!”

And breathe

Finally a week after the retreat I feel like I'm almost back to been human again.

The retreat was amazing, hard hard work, but so worth it, we had the most amazing classes, and yes I know I promised I would take pics of mine but honestly I've not had a minute to spare and the lighting is poo pants at the moment, however Kirsty did manage to take pics of her take on the class and if you pop over to her blog (link on the right hand side) you can see it there.

We got to the hotel on Thursday night and started the long task of unpacking, I have no idea how many car loads we had, but I'm telling you, it took us a hell of a long time to do it all. We put everything into a storage room till later in the evening, and then me and Janet moved it once our room became available (it was booked for a dinner function) We lugged the lot of it to the classroom and I got up far far to early in the morning to move it to the actual shop area.

The girls started to arrive from midday and where very patient with us, as we where still running around like headless chickens. But the idea of opening the day at midday was to allow the girls to settle into there cropping area and relax and meet new friends, the activities did not kick off till after dinner.

The first class was meant to be taught by Suzanne, but the poor darling was not feeling great so a quick swap round of the schedule and into the breach stepped Kirsty who taught the most adorable class using Artic Frog papers and then a cute mini project using the scraps, Kirsty also taught her make and take of the weekend and that was us for the night. Well we wanted to break the girls in gently. We spent the rest of the evening with challenges (mini bags) and chatting, drinking, etc, only thing that did not seem to be happening was lots of scrapping, hee hee.

Saturday we had three master classes, three mini classes and one make and take project, and one challenge to do, so absolutely no time to come up for air. The girls loved the classes and the day delegates got right into the swing of it as well.

Sunday was Suzanne's day, she had a class first thing in the morning and a make and take to do.

The only down side to the whole weekend was that I had asked Cal to come along as a surprise guest to show the girls some Techniques with inks, etc, but we ran out of time, I seriously need the days to be at least 30 hours long when we do these weekends.

We crammed in tons and tons of stuff, the girls went home with bags bursting at the seams from all the class kits and goodies on offer, and a few pounds lighter in the purse thanks the amazing shop that Sarah from Sarah's cards brought along. I swear to god I have never seen so much stash in one place, I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I saw her collection of Thickers, that girl carries the whole range, the only person in the UK to do so.

It was my first retreat since Angela left the business at the end of March this year, and I have to admit to having some butterflies before the actual weekend, but you know what, I did it, it was a massive success and I'm gonna keep doing it.

In fact, I've already booked the hotels for March in Scotland next year and October in Crewe, so watch this space, I'll be announcing dates next week, once I've had time to catch up on everything else.

Joke of the day for you all now, I got this one today from Jane, one of my friends, and it had me tittering away at my desk.

Enjoy

A man was sitting in the bar in departures at Manchester airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
So he decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto 'We love to fly and it shows'.
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f*** do you want?''
Ah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face........
' Ryanair' .

I'm off...........

............ in a motor car. Yahoo, I managed to fit everything that I think I'm suppose to be taking to the Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience. I even remembered to pack clothes for myself.

Now all I have to do is pack my toilet stuff in the morning and then I'm off to Crewe.

Sarah, Lianne and I are going to be setting it all up on the Thursday and then from midday on the Friday all the girls arrive, and I can't wait. I'm so excited.

Finished up early at work today, as had an appointment at the physio's. I injured my hand quite a few weeks ago, and I can no longer move it, which in itself poses a problem for when I teach my classes, but fingers crossed I manage it ok.

Now I just need to get tea sorted and get an early nights sleep as I'm sure I won't be getting much sleep once the weekend starts.

After the retreat is over, I'll post pics of my classes for you, they are so cool this year and not at all what the girls are expecting, I love the colours in my class kits and I know the girls will go wild when they see the projects.

I'll leave you with a joke of the day.

This is another one from Natalie, I swear to god that girl keeps me in fits of laughter most of the day with her silly jokes. Thanks Natalie, your a star.

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.

Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,' Grandma said, and she proceeded to the end of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma he was bewildered and exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry.'

The policeman fainted.

Where does the time go...........

Honestly I can't believe that in 5 days I will be in Crewe at the 4th Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience. I feel as if my feet have not touched the ground in months. I'm almost ready, only have one task left to do, then I have free time to organise my own personal stuff to take, although I'm not sure its worth taking any thing as at as the whole weekend is jammed packed with classes, mini classes, makes~n~takes and challenges, I'm sure I won't have a spare minute left to work on anything of my own.

The classes are amazing, the kits are huge and the teachers are wonderful, I am so lucky to be able to call all of the teachers my friends as well, We even have two guest teachers dropping in on the Saturday as a surprise for the delegates, shhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell them though, hee hee.

I must admit though that in the time spent on planning, organising, packing kits, etc, my house has suffered rather badly, so I'm sure that the house will be pleased once this is over, and I can get back to sorting it out and catching up with my housework.

I have to run now and wrap up presents for prizes but I'll leave you with this fun newspaper clipping I was recently sent by one of my online buddies and also a delegate at the LA Scrapbooking Experience, Natalie, it had me spitting coffee at my screen as I read it, hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Take care of yourselves. mwahahahahaha

For Cal

I know I'm a bad blogger, and I do have loads to tell you, but I'm quite short of time at the moment, busy organising the Luxurious Angels Scrapbooking Experience.

But by special request from Cal, I have a joke of the day for you all.

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the #@* would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY: Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny #@*to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
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FRIDAY: I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the #@* barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY: Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little #@*) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds...

Hope you enjoyed that Cal, take care of yourself. xxxx

I am a walking feast

for Midges that is, the little buggers have had a field day with me, they have taken nibbles out of my face, neck, arms, hands and legs, I even have one on my bum.... no idea how that little so and so got in their. I have just returned from the most amazing holiday I have ever had in Scotland.

Me and Ben along with his godmother Janet and Uncle Dave have all been to Wester Ross, for a week of glorious sunshine. I kid you not, the sun shone ever day, except for Friday, when it rained in the morning. We have spent hours on beaches that look like they belong in the indian ocean, we have a little tan to show off, and we are so chilled out.

I got to see my good friend Anne and her adorable hubby Iain, we ate like pigs and slept like logs.

However, I now have to wash a mountain of dirty clothes, unpack quite a lot of stuff and get Ben all organised for his return to School tomorrow.

Yahoo, the school holidays are over, well at least for a short while, before you know it half term will be upon us.

I'm knackered so its only a short post tonight, and I'm sorry, no jokes, however I have come back to an inbox bursting at the seams with jokes galore from my pals, so I shall be back with some funnies soon.

If anybody out their knows of a cure to stop the itching, please let me know, so far we have exhausted boots the chemist of all their bite cures, used tea tree oil and salvon, and still no relief is to be found, I'm off to mix up some bicarbonate of soda now and calamine lotion.

Take care of yourselves.

xxx mwahahahahahahahaha xxxx

Ladies Night

Last Saturday I went to the races, Hamilton Park Racecourse had a Ladies Night and Lesley Anne and I went along. We got all dolled up and even went as far as to wear a hat, well Lesley Anne wore a hat, I wore a flamengo, hee hee. Now I'm not a gambler, I can't understand the need to throw my money away after a nag, but I did join in the spirit and bet on every nag I could find, unfortunately no bookmaker would take any money off me for Lesley Anne, ha ha. Only joking LA if you reading this.

We had a great time, and I never got home till the very early hours, sporting two massive blisters and a gash on the top of my foot that I have no idea how I got.

We left the races after Hue and Cry had played. Yes you read that right, Hue and Cry 'looking for Linda' poor blokes still have not found her. We met some guys that I know and had a giggle with them, and even had a dance. Oh get us, what are we like. However after one of them had guessed my age at been 40, I made a hasty exit. We ended up at a private party with a few footy players. Don't ask me how, neither I or LA can explain that one.

After a while we got bored, they are not all they cracked up to be, and we jumped into a taxi. LA went home, me I went to the local nightclub, though I never made it in, its one of those that has a large courtyard area out the front where all the smokers stand and chat away, I never made it beyond that point, actually more to do with the fact that I don't think I could have danced with the stupid shoes I had on.

In the end I jumped into a taxi for the safey of home, phew what a relief to get those shoes off.

Here is a pic of Lesley Anne in her hat, wicked witch got more compliments than me, however I do have to say, she looked stunning.

Sorry about the quality of the pic, but it was taken on my phone. I do have a pic of me, but LA took it and its on my phone and I can't figure out how to get it onto my pc, I'm ok with pics I've taken, but pics anybody send me, seems my phone likes to eat them, bloody thing.

Anyway we had a great day and night, and I'm sure we will be doing it again soon, Officer and a Gentleman night is coming up soon, Yahoo.

Joke of the day time, enjoy.

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.

3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

8. Tie the little angel’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

Take care of yourselves. mwahahahahahahahaha